Tangerine Derangement Syndrome (TDS): A Citrus-Induced Crisis

Published by The Orchard Underground

---

It started with a sip.

A little juice to “Make Fruit Sweet Again.” A bright orange elixir, sold in golden cartons with King Don’s face stamped on the front, promising vigor, purity, and the return of a “Ripe and Juicy Nation.”

But for some unfortunate Fruitizens, one sip wasn’t enough. They chugged it. They bathed in it. They injected it straight into their pulp. And then… the symptoms began.

Welcome to Tangerine Derangement Syndrome.

TDS is a rapidly spreading affliction affecting fruits across the United Fruits of America. It begins subtly:

• An irrational fear of fruit diversity.

• A sudden belief that the Orchard Constitution was written by a banana named George.

• A deep suspicion that democracy is a left-wing fungus.

But within days, full-blown symptoms emerge:

• Believing that fascism is just “fruit with discipline.”

• Calling any disagreement “Fake Peel News.”

• Shouting “Lock them in the Crisper!” at innocent plums.

  
  

Cause:

TDS is directly linked to overconsumption of Don’s Tangerine Tonic — a chemical-laced brew produced in the Orange Palace labs and distributed through propaganda branches like FurReal News and the Zestocrat Ministry of Juice.

Warning Signs Include:

• Confusing civic participation with a communist plot.

• Believing that checks and balances are a “deep vine conspiracy.”

• Declaring war on pears for being “too soft.”

Cure:

Currently, the only known treatment is slow detox via exposure to facts, critical thinking, and orchard-grown empathy. Many sufferers resist this, often claiming that empathy itself is “unripe nonsense.”

Recovery is possible — but it takes time. Rehabilitated fruits often report a strange sensation of “thinking for themselves,” which can be disorienting at first.

Final Note:

If someone you love shows signs of TDS, don’t shame them. Offer them a plum. Invite them to read The Orchard Underground. Remind them: the sweetest fruit is not afraid of a little diversity in the basket.

And above all —

Don’t drink the juice.