Privacy Policy
A legal disclaimer
Welcome to the United Fruits of America — the juiciest destination for fruit-forward satire. We’re committed to respecting your privacy (unlike certain authoritarian citrus regimes).
What We Collect
When you visit our site or sign up for updates, we may collect:
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Name (or fruit alias, if preferred)
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Email address
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Voluntary information shared via forms or comments
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Non-personal data, like browser type or site activity (for analytics and to keep the orchard running smoothly)
We do not knowingly collect data from minors (little sprouts) or from fruits not yet ripened to digital consent.
How We Use It
We only use your data to:
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Send newsletters, updates, or fruit-based propaganda (with your consent)
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Improve the website experience
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Track which content gets the most peels (analytics)
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Maintain the security and stability of our fruit-powered platform
We never sell your information — not even to Peelon Husk.
We may use tools like:
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Ko-fi (for supporter processing)
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Google Analytics (for seeing which pages the orchard loves most)
These third parties may collect data under their own privacy policies. We'll always do our best to only use services that respect your juice.
This site doesn't sell cookies, but we may use them. Or eat them when no one's watching
This site uses cookies — not the chocolate kind. These digital crumbs help us track engagement and keep things running. You can disable cookies in your browser settings if you prefer to browse untracked. We won't sell your fruitcake to the highest bidder. That's a Zestocrat move.