🍏 Welcome to the United Fruits of America

Congratulations. You’ve found us.

Whether you came here by accident, via a suspiciously juicy link, or because a rebel kumquat whispered “the orchard lives,” you’re now officially inside the United Fruits of America. And things are about to get weird—in the best way possible.

We are a nation of fruit and folly. A place where tyrannical tangerines rule with sticky fingers, tech bananas monitor your peelprint, and radical berries plot from the shadows of the compost heap.

This is more than satire. This is resistance.This is the Fruitiverse.

Here, you’ll find:

• Fruit news that will start to feel realer than reality.

• Cards so political they might be illegal in three states.

• Anthems, protest songs, and bops that slap harder than a cold smoothie.

• Characters with more juice than your average pundit.

But we’re not just here to mock. We’re here to mulch the rotten systems and seed something better.

So sip your cider. Join the Orchard Underground. And remember:

“In the land of fruit, truth is pulp—squishy, sweet, and just a little dangerous.”